NO FURTHER TOPICS UNTIL HEATHER IS READY TO RESUME.

1. FEEL FREE TO POST LIMERICKS IF YOU SO DESIRE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY DEC 14

1. IN SOUTH KOREA, GLOW IN DARK KITTENS CREATED.

2. BASEBALL AND THE STEROID SCANDAL.

3. ANY TOPIC OF THE WRITER'S CHOICE.

NO TOPICS FOR FRIDAY DEC 7

OUR THOUGHTS ARE WITH HEATHER AND HER FAMILY.

NO TOPICS FOR FRIDAY NOV. 30

OUR CONDOLENCES TO HEATHER AND HER FAMILY.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY NOV. 23

1. THANKSGIVING

2. IN TWO MIDWESTERN CITIES (ASHLAND, WI AND IRONWOOD, MI), SQUIRRELS RESPONSIBLE FOR HUNDREDS LOSING POWER.

3. ANY OF LAST WEEK'S TOPICS.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY NOV 16

1. LINDSAY LOHAN SPENDS 84 MINUTES IN JAIL.

2. NEW YORK CITY CONSIDERS $1000 FINES FOR FEEDING PIGEONS.

3. BARRY BONDS INDICTED.

4. CHELSY DAVY DUMPS PRINCE HARRY.

5. FORGET JESSICA SIMPSON, OWEN WILSON SAID TO BE HOOKING
UP WITH MODEL NAMED "LE CALL".

6. ANGELINA'S PANTS SPLIT, BRAD'S HAND TO THE RESCUE AT LONDON PREMIERE OF "BEOWULF".

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY NOV 9

1. VINCE VAUGHN SAYS HE DOES NOT OWN A CELL PHONE.

2. IN SYRACUSE, NY--DENTIST WHO WAS DANCING TO SONG "CAR WASH" WHILE DRILLING TO EXTRACT TOOTH, LOSES DRILL BIT IN WOMAN'S SINUS CAVITY/ORBIT.

3. KATIE HOLMES RUNS IN NEW YORK MARATHON.

4. PRIEST ACCUSED OF STALKING CONAN O'BRIEN ARRESTED.

5. DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER'S SHOW SUSPENDED AFTER HE USES N-WORD IN RASCIST RANT TOWARDS SON (REGARDING SON'S AFRICAN-AMERICAN GIRLFRIEND) . SON RELEASED TAPE.

6. BRITNEY LEAVES KIDS IN CAR FOR COURT APPOINTED MONITOR (THE PERSON WHO EVALUATES HER PARENTING SKILLS) TO WATCH--WHILE SHE GOES SHOPPING.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY NOV 2

1. HOT DOG CHAMP JOEY CHESTNUT (SEE JULY 6 BLOG) SETS HAMBURGER EATING RECORD (103 SMALL HAMBURGERS IN 8 MINUTES).

2. SPEAKING ON THE CAMPUS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA, STEPHEN COLBERT PROMISES THAT IF ELECTED PRESIDENT, TO "CRUSH THE STATE OF GEORGIA".

3. ROBERT CULP (STAR OF 60'S TV SERIES "I SPY") FILES LAWSUIT CLAIMING LOS ANGELES ZOO IS MISTREATING ELEPHANTS (CLAIMS THEY ARE WITHHOLDING MEDICAL CARE AND KEEPING THEM CRAMPED IN SMALL PLACES).

4. AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT, SCARLETT JOHANSSON GIVES BOYFRIEND, RYAN REYNOLDS, ONE OF HER RECENTLY PULLED WISDOM TEETH WHICH SHE HAD SET IN GOLD.

5. BREAKUP RUMORS FLYING CONCERNING ELLEN DEGENERES AND PORTIA DE ROSSI.

6. GRAND JURY INFORMATION LEAKED: 21 Y.O. WASHINGTON STATE WOMAN CLAIMS 51 Y.O. COPPERFIELD INVITED HER TO HIS SECLUDED 150 ACRE BAHAMAS ESTATE WITH THE PROMISE OF ADVANCING HER CAREER AS A MODEL. CLAIMS SHE WAS RAPED OVER THE THE 2 DAY PERIOD.

7. LAURIE'S CHOICE (I.E. SOME "SOCIALLY RELEVANT" TOPIC): THIS WEEK IT IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT WANTING LAKE MICHIGAN WATER DIVERTED TO THE SOUTHWEST.

8. IN NILES, MICHIGAN--MAN WHO ASSAULTED FORMER FRIEND WITH PICKLES
(AND TELEPHONE) SENTENCED TO ONE YEAR PROBATION (GETS CREDIT FOR 54 DAYS SERVED IN JAIL).

9. OPRAH CUTS HILARY SWANK'S HAIR FOR CHARITY.

10 BORAT HAS BABY GIRL.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY OCT 26

1. DAVID COPPERFIELD'S WAREHOUSE RAIDED BY FBI--THERE ARE ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL IMPROPRIETY.

2. IN ST. MAARTEN, DOZENS TREATED FOR TB AS A RESULT OF EXPOSURE TO A STRIPPER.

3. MASTER WIZARD ALBUS DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY.

4. IN INDIA, 6 ELEPHANTS ELECTROCUTED IN A DRUNKEN RAMPAGE (THEY UPROOTED A UTILITY POLE CARRYING POWER LINES).

5. MARIE OSMOND FAINTS DURING "DANCING WITH THE STARS".

6. ROBERT GOULET AWAITING LUNG TRANSPLANT.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY OCT.19

1. IN APPLETON, WISCONSIN--BURGLARY REPORTED---THIEF ENTERS UNLOCKED APARTMENT AND WALKS AWAY WITH PIZZA, SIX EGGS, CAN OF BEEF RAVIOLI, CAN OF PEACHES, ONE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI HOT POCKET---LEAVES VALUABLES.

2. PAMELA ANDERSON AND RICK SALOMON ALREADY GET INTO A MAJOR ARGUMENT POST WEDDING. IT SEEMS RICK WANTED TO VIDEOTAPE THEIR LOVE---RICK: "(WE)COULD MAKE A (BLEEPING) FORTUNE" AND PAM: "I AM NOT A PORN STAR".

3. PAM MAY BE PREGNANT---COULD HAVE BEEN A SHOTGUN WEDDING.

4. "GREG BRADY" MADE HONORARY MEMBER OF AIR FORCE 4TH FIGHTER WING 335TH FIGHTER SQUADRON.

5. ELLEN DEGENERES GAVE AWAY RESCUE DOG, IGGY, TO HAIRDRESSER--VIOLATION OF HER AGREEMENT WITH "MUTTS AND MOMS AGENCY". THEY TAKE DOG AWAY FROM HAIRDRESSER. ELLEN TEARFULLY EXPLAINS SITUATION ON HER SHOW.

6. DENTIST TRYING TO SAVE HIS LICENSE BY CLAIMING BREAST RUBS WERE PERFORMED ON WOMEN TO TREAT TMJ.

7. IN PITTSBURGH, WOMEN SPYING ON HER HUSBAND GETS TRAPPED UNDER SUV
WHEN SHE FALLS ASLEEP AND SOMEONE LETS AIR OUT OF TIRES.

8. IN NEW YORK, BRIDE (AND LAWYER), SUES FLORIST CLAIMING FLORIST SUBSTITUTED PASTEL PINK AND GREEN HYDRANGEAS FOR DARK RUST AND GREEN ONES. FLOWERS COST $23,435.14---BRIDE ASKING FOR MORE THAN $400,000 IN DAMAGES.

9. LINDSAY LOHAN DENIES SHE IS BROKE.

10. MADONNA INKS 10 YEAR 120 MILLION DOLLAR DEAL WITH LIVE NATION INC.

11. IN VERY LOCAL NEWS, THE GREAT "IRREGARDLESS" CONTROVERSY.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY OCT 12

1. IN HALF MOON BAY, CALIFORNIA, THE TWO GUYS WHO KILLED GAYLORD THE OSTRICH BECAUSE IT HUMILIATED THEM IN FRONT OF THEIR GIRLFRIENDS WILL BE DOING JAIL TIME.

2. BEARS BEAT PACKERS.

3. CUBBIES--ANY TEAM CAN HAVE A BAD CENTURY.

4. IN PITTSBURGH, MAN ARRESTED AFTER HE TRIED TO PASS OFF A $1 MILLION DOLLAR BILL AT A SUPERMARKET.

5. MARION JONES RETURNS OLYMPIC MEDALS AFTER HER ADMISSION SHE WAS A DRUG CHEAT.

6. DANNY BONADUCE WILL NOT BE CHARGED AFTER HE TOSSED JOHNNY FAIRPLAY
(OF SURVIVOR FAME) ONTO HIS FACE AND KNOCKED OUT HIS FRONT TEETH DURING REALITY AWARDS SHOW.

7. FOLLOW UP: PAMELA ANDERSON MARRIES RICK SALOMON LAST SATURDAY IN BETWEEN PERFORMANCES OF SHOW SHE IS DOING WITH ILLUSIONIST, HANS KLOK.

8. KIEFER SUTHERLAND TO SERVE 48 DAY JAIL TERM STARTING IN DECEMBER.

9. OUR 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY OCT. 5

1. KIEFER SUTHERLAND CHARGED WITH DUI--COULD FACE JAIL TIME.

2. THIS YEAR, 6 ALREADY DEAD FROM BRAIN EATING AMOEBA--NAEGLERIA FOWLERI--AS A RESULT OF SWIMMING.

3. PATRIOTS AND BELICHICK SUED FOR $184 MILLION BY "JETS FANS".

4. BRETT FAVRE--SAY NO MORE. DA BEARS--SAY NO LESS.

5. THE CUBBIES IN THE PLAYOFFS.

6. BRITNEY LOSES CUSTODY BATTLE.

7. JACKIE CHAN NOT A FAN OF HIS "RUSH HOUR" MOVIES--DIDN'T GET THE AMERICAN HUMOR--DID IT FOR THE MONEY.

8. PAMELA ANDERSON APPLIES FOR MARRIAGE LICENSE WITH RICK SALOMON
(GUY WHO MADE A SEX TAPE WITH PARIS HILTON AND WAS PREVIOUSLY
MARRIED TO SHANNEN DOHERTY).

9. ISIAH LOSES SEXUAL HARASSMENT SUIT--JURY AWARDS ANUCHA BROWNE SANDERS 11.6 MILLION DOLLARS.

10. RUMORS FLYING THAT IN HER BOOK DUE OUT THIS FALL, MARCIA BRADY WILL CLAIM TO HAVE HAD LESBIAN FLING WITH JAN BRADY.

11. LATE BREAKING VERY LOCAL NEWS (A HEATHER TOPIC REQUEST): NATHAN IS LEAVING US---OCTOBER 5 WILL BE HIS LAST DAY HERE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY SEPT. 28

1. PHIL SPECTOR TRIAL ENDS WITH MISTRIAL.

2. DA BEARS---HELLO BRIAN, GOOD-BY REX.

3. IN VERY LOCAL NEWS, "THE DOC" SPENDS THE WEEK IN SCOTLAND (PLAYING GOLF OF COURSE).

4. IN AUSTRALIA, "PRANKSTER" BARMAID ON TRIAL AFTER SERVING A PATRON A SHOT OF 'PINE-O-CLEAN' DISINFECTANT.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY SEPT 21

1. OJ CHARGED WITH ARMED ROBBERY.

2. HIT ORDERED ON K-FED.

3. 50 CENT SAYS HE WILL RETIRE AS SOLO ARTIST IF KANYE WEST'S NEW ALBUM OUTSELLS HIS IN FIRST WEEK SALES. 50 CENT ALSO CANCELS THREE EUROPEAN TOUR DATES.

4. THE EMMYS.

5. ALECIA SILVERSTONE APPEARS NUDE IN AD FOR PETA.

6. "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE GUY", CHRIS CROCKER, MAY GET OWN TV SHOW.

7. IN ATLANTA SUBURB, ARMLESS MAN FATALLY HEADBUTTS ROMANTIC RIVAL.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY SEPT 14

1. BRITNEY PERFORMS AT MTV AWARDS.

2. PEOPLE DO THE STUPIDEST THINGS
A. IN DULUTH, MAN TRIES TO ROB HOUSE---STRIPPED NAKED BY INTENDED VICTIM.
B. WOMAN DRIVES TO COURTHOUSE TO PAY TICKET-- IN A STOLEN CAR.
C. MAN ROBS BANK--HOLD UP NOTE WRITTEN ON HIS OWN PERSONAL CHECK.

3. STEVE FOSSETT MISSING.

4. PATRIOTS CAUGHT CHEATING IN THEIR GAME AGAINST THE JETS.

5. PAM ANDERSON CLAIMS SHE PAID OFF POKER DEBT WITH SEXUAL FAVORS.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY SEPT. 7

TWO WEEKS WORTH OF TOPICS:

1. OWEN WILSON SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

2. LANCE BRIGGS CRASHES CAR AND LEAVES SCENE OF ACCIDENT.

3. SENATOR LARRY CRAIG AND HIS BATHROOM ANTICS.

4. LEONA HELMSLEY LEAVES HER WHITE MALTESE "TROUBLE" 12 MILLION DOLLARS IN TRUST FUND.

5. JERRY LEWIS APOLOGIZES FOR ANTI-GAY SLUR.

6. IN NEPAL, AIRLINE SACRIFICES TWO GOATS TO APPEASE SKY GOD.

7. WHOOPI DEFENDS VICK.

NO TOPICS FOR FRIDAY 8/31

OUR THOUGHTS/ BEST WISHES/ SYMPATHY GO OUT TO HEATHER AND HER FAMILY.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY 8/24

1. FEEL FREE TO USE TOPICS FROM LAST WEEK (INCLUDING HEATHER'S CHOICES).

2. BRANGELINA TATTOOED WHILE IN CHICAGO.

3. LOHAN TO SPEND DAY IN JAIL.

4. NICOLE RICHIE STARTS 90 HOUR JAIL SENTENCE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY 8/17

1. BRUCE WILLIS KICKED OUT OF EXCLUSIVE CLUB IN SARDINIA AFTER SNUBBING OWNER FLAVIO BRIATORE.

2. K-FED FIRED FROM MOVIE "THE NIGHT WATCHMAN" (STARRING KEANU REEVES).

3. HEATHER'S CHOICE (HEY-- I'VE BEEN OUT OF TOWN).

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY 8/10

1. OUR BLOG HAS ITS FIRST REAL VISITOR---ANNABELLE FROM THE U.K. (SEE LAST COMMENT ON FRIDAY JULY 27 POSTING).

2. AFTER 55 YEARS, MOST OF PENCIL REMOVED FROM GERMAN WOMAN'S HEAD.

3. BARRY BONDS--HOME RUN 756 AND COUNTING.

4. RUMOR HAS IT ANGELINA AND BRAD ARE HAVING PROBLEMS--IS A BREAKUP ON THE HORIZON?

5. BRAD AND ANGELINA IN CHICAGO.

6. RON'S CHOICE--HEY HE DIDN'T LIKE THE POSTING CHOICES LAST WEEK

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY AUGUST 3

1. IN VERY LOCAL NEWS, JOSH IS LEAVING US--BUMMER.

2. BONO AND PENELOPE CRUZ SEEN HAND IN HAND.

3. EDDIE MURPHY HIT WITH PATERNITY SUIT BY "SCARY SPICE" MELANIE BROWN.

4. EDDIE MURPHY ENGAGED TO TRACEY EDMONDS (PROPOSES WITH 8 CARAT YELLOW DIAMOND).

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JULY 27

1. LINDSAY LOHAN--ALCOHOL AND DRUGS.

2. NBA REF AND GAMBLING.

3. BONDS' EX-MISTRESS TO APPEAR IN PLAYBOY.

4. TAMMY FAYE BAKER DIES.

5. CHARLIE WEISS LOSES GASTRIC BYPASS MALPRACTICE SUIT.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JULY 20

1. JON LOVITZ BEATS UP ANDY DICK IN LA COMEDY CLUB.

2. MICHAEL VICK INDICTED IN DOG-FIGHTING SCANDAL.

3. PETA UPSET OVER BRITNEY BUYING ANOTHER DOG.

4. AND BY POPULAR DEMAND, ANYTHING HAVING TO DO
WITH THE SHOW "FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS".

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JULY 13

1. AMY JACOBSON

2. POSH AND BECKHAM INVADE THE U.S.

3. NINE FILE $1.3 MILLION LAWSUIT AGAINST TB GUY.

4. CHARLIE SHEEN PROPOSES TO BROOKE MILLER WITH $500, 000 RING.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JULY 6

1. AL GORE'S SON BUSTED FOR SPEEDING AND DRUG POSSESSION.

2. EVA LONGORIA TO WED TONY PARKER IN FRANCE THIS SATURDAY.

3. AMERICAN JOEY CHESTNUT WINS HOT DOG TITLE OVER KOBAYASHI. 66 HOT DOGS IN 12 MINUTES.

4. NICOLE RICHIE PREGNANT.

5. PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON REUNITE.

6. TIGER WOODS PLAYS WHILE WIFE IN HOSPITAL WITH PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS.

7. WOMAN STABBED, SHOPPERS KEEP SHOPPING--AND ONE TAKES PHOTO WITH CELL PHONE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JUNE 29

1. DA COACH GOES TO WASHINGTON.

2. SCIENTISTS TO SEARCH FOR BIGFOOT.

3. PARIS RELEASED FROM PRISON--WHO CARES?

4. IN INDIA, PARENTS ARRESTED--15 YEAR OLD "SURGEON" EVADING POLICE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JUNE 22

1. ROSIE WANTS TO BE NAMED HOST OF "PRICE IS RIGHT".

2. A PRESCRIPTION PILL BOTTLE BELONGING TO ELVIS GOES FOR OVER $2000 IN AUCTION.

3. THOSE BABIES--- TIGER WOODS BECOMES A DAD/ JULIA ROBERTS AGAIN A MOM.

4. IN INDIA, IN ORDER TO BE NAMED YOUNGEST SURGEON IN BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS, MD PARENTS ALLOW 15 YEAR OLD SON PERFORM C-SECTION ON A PATIENT.

5. AND IN VERY LOCAL NEWS (BY REQUEST OF ONE LIMERICK WRITER), WRITE ABOUT "THE DOC"-- EITHER HIS PICKING THE M & M'S OFF A PIECE OF CAKE-- AND LEAVING THE PIECE OF CAKE OR HIS CLAIM THAT HIS ARM WAS SLASHED BY A JEALOUS WOMAN IN A FIT OF RAGE.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JUNE 15

1. ANYTHING PARIS HILTON---BACK IN PRISON/ FINDS GOD/ BARBARA WALTERS INTERVIEW. SHARPTON TO MEET WITH SHERIFF.

2. SOPRANOS FINALE

3. WIFE CLAIMS GOLFER JOHN DALY ASSAULTED HER AND THEN SCRATCHED HIS OWN FACE TO COVER UP.

4. ANNE HECHE DIVORCE IS TURNING UGLY.

5. BRITNEY NOT SPEAKING TO MOM. MOM SIDES WITH K-FED.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JUNE 8

1. PARIS RELEASED FROM PRISON--TO HAVE HOME DETENTION.

2. LARRY DAVID TO DIVORCE.

3. GARY SHEFFIELD COMMENT ABOUT LATINOS AND AFRICAN-AMERICANS IN BASEBALL.

4. THE TB GUY.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY JUNE 1

1. LOHAN WITH ANOTHER DUI---NOW BACK IN REHAB.

2. QUARTERBACK TONY ROMO WANTS TIMEOUT IN HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH CARRIE UNDERWOOD DURING FOOTBALL SEASON.

3. MISS USA TRIPS AT MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT.

4. DUTCH REALITY TV SHOW HAS CONTESTANTS VIE FOR KIDNEY TRANSPLANT.

5. BORAT TO WRITE TRAVEL BOOK.

6. JACK "DR. DEATH" KEVORKIAN RELEASED FROM JAIL.

7. "LAURIE'S CHOICE"--I.E. FEEL FREE TO WRITE ABOUT ANY TOPIC ABOUT WHICH YOU FEEL STRONGLY (JUST LIKE LAURIE DOES).

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY MAY 25

1. OPRAH'S FATHER WRITING BOOK--OPRAH STUNNED OR OPRAH RECEIVES ELIE WIESEL HUMANITARIAN AWARD OR ANYTHING OPRAH.

2. AMERICAN IDOL FINALS.

3. PAULA ABDUL BREAKS NOSE "TRYING TO AVOID STEPPING ON CHIHUAHUA".

4. APOLO OHNO WINS "DANCING WITH THE STARS".

5. "THE APPRENTICE" WILL NOT BE RENEWED FOR NEXT SEASON.

6. GOLFER DIES WHEN HE DRIVES CART OVER CLIFF.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY MAY 18

1. OLYMPIC SWIMMER AMANDA BEARD TO POSE NAKED FOR PLAYBOY.

2. JERRY FALWELL (FAREWELL TO FALWELL)

3. PRINCE HARRY NOT GOING TO SERVE IN IRAQ.

4. JAIL TIME FOR PARIS CUT IN HALF.

5. AMERICAN IDOL--NOW DOWN TO FINAL 2--MELINDA IS OUT.

TOPICS FOR MAY 11

1. PARIS HILTON IS GOING TO JAIL.

2 DAVID HASSELHOFF IS CAUGHT ON VIDEO DRUNK AND LOSES VISITATION RIGHTS.

3. AKON'S SEXUALLY EXPLICIT DANCE WITH 14 YEAR OLD.

4. AMERICAN IDOL IS DOWN TO FINAL THREE--- LAKISHA IS OUT.

5. MOTHER'S DAY

TOPICS FOR MAY 4

1. PROSECUTERS WANT PARIS HILTON JAILED.

2. BRITNEY PERFORMS IN PUBLIC FOR FIRST TIME IN 3 YEARS.

3. AND OF COURSE, ANYTHING RELATED TO AMERICAN IDOL (NOW DOWN TO FINAL FOUR).

TOPICS FOR APRIL 27

1. WILL FERRELL AND THE "LANDLORD" VIDEO.

2. ALEC BALDWIN AND HIS PHONE MESSAGE TO HIS DAUGHTER.

3. ROSIE O'DONNELL AND HER LEAVING "THE VIEW".

4. (AND OF COURSE) ANYTHING RELATED TO AMERICAN IDOL.

TOPICS FOR FRIDAY APRIL 20

1. PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON BREAK UP.

2. WHILE IN INDIA, RICHARD GERE KISSES ACTRESS SHILPA SHETTY IN PUBLIC AND CAUSES STIR.

3. SANJAYA (OR ANYTHING AMERICAN IDOL).

4. BUEHRLE THROWS NO-HITTER (OR ANYTHING RELATED TO THE SOX---OR CUBS).

TOPICS FOR THIS FRIDAY 4/13 (PICK ANY OR ALL):

1. DON IMUS

2. PATERNITY OF SMITH'S BABY

3. ANYTHING HAVING TO DO WITH SANJAYA

KEITH RICHARDS SNORTING FATHER'S ASHES

WITH THE STONES, KEITH RICHARDS ROSE TO THE TOP.
BUT HE PICKED UP A HABIT HE COULDN'T STOP.
IT BECAME OH SO BAD,
THAT HE SNORTED POOR OLD DAD,
'CAUSE HE NEEDED TO GIVE HIS COKE SOME MORE POP.