1. AL GORE'S SON BUSTED FOR SPEEDING AND DRUG POSSESSION.
2. EVA LONGORIA TO WED TONY PARKER IN FRANCE THIS SATURDAY.
3. AMERICAN JOEY CHESTNUT WINS HOT DOG TITLE OVER KOBAYASHI. 66 HOT DOGS IN 12 MINUTES.
4. NICOLE RICHIE PREGNANT.
5. PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON REUNITE.
6. TIGER WOODS PLAYS WHILE WIFE IN HOSPITAL WITH PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS.
7. WOMAN STABBED, SHOPPERS KEEP SHOPPING--AND ONE TAKES PHOTO WITH CELL PHONE.
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DRIVING A HYBRID HELPS KEEP OUR AIR CLEAN,
BUT GOING 100 SEEMS JUST A BIT OBSCENE.
BEING CAUGHT WITH DRUGS MADE BY BIG PHARMA,
DAD WOULD SAY IS BAD KARMA,
BUT THE MARIJUANA'S OKAY 'CAUSE THAT'S "GREEN".
DOING IT IN FRONT OF A HOMETOWN CROWD,
66 HOT DOGS IN 12 MINUTES HE DOWNED.
JAPAN CAN KEEP THEIR ELECTRONICS,
WE RULE IN GASTRONOMICS,
JOEY CHESTNUT, YOU MADE AMERICANS REALLY PROUD.
66 hot dogs in 12 minutes he ate
Joey Chestnut really cleaned up his plate
the reigning champ puked his up
so his hot-dog-eating title he gave up
An American wins--isn't our country great?
Kobayashi ha relinquished his title
To not vomit--a talent that's vital
to winning hot dog eating contests
his name Japan now detests
What now--maybe American Idol?
The tabloids are on the "bump watch" for Richie
She couldn't be pregnant now, could she?
She is too emaciated
For life to have been created
In a womb that clearly says "no vacancy"
Johnny Knoxville is getting a Di-vorce
in Hollywood, it's par for the course
To trade up in wives
Men feel they better their lives
Plus the man IS a Jackass, not a horse
Eva and Tony's magical wedding is all set
A bigger waste of man-space I've never met
The woman is way too short
to marry a man of the court
A nice petite guy--that's what she should get.
Are Kate and Wills again a pair,
They are giving the poor Queen quite a scare.
Did she think Kate wasn't quite royal,
Is her plot now foiled ?
For a royal to follow his heart is quite rare.
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