1. JON LOVITZ BEATS UP ANDY DICK IN LA COMEDY CLUB.
2. MICHAEL VICK INDICTED IN DOG-FIGHTING SCANDAL.
3. PETA UPSET OVER BRITNEY BUYING ANOTHER DOG.
4. AND BY POPULAR DEMAND, ANYTHING HAVING TO DO
WITH THE SHOW "FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS".
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jon lovitz said i'm gonna kick your ass
he was upset about something in the past
he wouldn't have been such a prick
if andy wasn't such a big dick
so it's true that some grudges last
THE NFL STAR SHOULD NOT BE CUT ANY SLACK,
HE HAD DOGS FIGHT AND EXECUTED ONES THAT WOULDN'T ATTACK,
AGAINST DEFENDERS VICK COULD RUN,
BUT WHEN THE FEDS WITH HIM ARE DONE,
THE FBI WILL BE CREDITED WITH THE SACK.
Britney's got a new puppy, oh brother.
When will this poptart finally discover
Whether it's a canine or little boys
These small things aren't toys
Straighten out your own life before taking on another
Winona Ryder's blaming pain pills for her acts
The oxycodone made her steal dresses from Saks
She avoided jail unlike Paris
But these excuses? Spare us.
For her crime, she had to pay it all back plus tax
Who's in the newspaper but Gary
Like Tom, Jay, Carl, & Ron--it's scary
Why this drive to be famous?
They say, can you blame us
We want to be like Paris and Britney
Last night I had a few glasses of wine
Nothing's better when you're out to dine
I sat next to Nate
Who, while he cleaned his plate
Couldn't match his etoh consumption to mine.
I now have a new favorite show
It's FOTC on Sunday night, HBO
At first I couldn't believe my eyes
By the flippin enormous size
Of Jemaine's....lips, yo,yo,yo
On FOTC, who's funnier than Mel?
She's the superfan from hell
She's a straight up stalker
Tho she says she's a dog walker
I predict one day she'll be in a cell.
They're the fourth most popular folk parody duo
On the show, their fanbase is practically zero
But Hiphopapatomus and Rhymenocerus
shouldn't be down at all because
Everyone I know is a huge fan of their show.
The doc was planning to maybe retire
Instead a wedding planner he had to hire
They're on for the Ritz in June
No slowing down anytime soon
Hangin in the stress lab, I hope he'll not tire
So these are the topics I'm left to choose,
Washed up stars who can't keep out of the news.
Why not Gary's picture next to Jessie,
Or Flight of the Conchords, lord bless thee.
Enough of these spoiled babies singing the blues
I know that celebrities are the basis for this site,
So I should have focused on Jon and Andy's fight.
But I know very little about this story,
a little more of Vick's dogfighting glory
Maybe I need to TIVO Entertainment tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY WOULD PULL SUCH A DIRTY TRICK,
OFFERING COKE TO BRYNN, 10 YEARS SOBER, WAS JUST SICK,
SO ANDY'S BLOOD WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE,
AFTER LOVITZ REARRANGED HIS FACE,
ANDY DESERVED IT FOR ACTING LIKE SUCH A DICK.
What's up with the sweatshirts Bret wears?
They feature lions, and tigers, and bears.
If he wants girls to get with him
He probably should ditch them
Unless he's got something really great in his underwears.
Murray thought that Bret was trippin'
In rap culture, our Kiwis are dippin'
They thought up new names
My favorite is Jemaine's
The question: who's the mother-flippin'?
I am so tired of Harry Potter mania
The whole thing is kind of insane-ia
Every day the Trib devotes pages
I don't understand what all the rage is
The whole thing is really a drain-ia
Britney has a new binky.
That it's a cute little dog is quite stinky.
She has abandoned pups before
and shouldn't be allowed one more.
She and Mike Vick should meet for a drinky.
Michael Vick has got me steaming.
A dog abusing derelict, the Feds are deeming.
It just makes me wonder
which other rocks he's crawled under.
The National Felons' League needs a good reeming.
Come on Brit, get a clue.
London came from a puppy farm straight to you.
I agree with those crazies
buying from pet stores is lazy.
Interbred canines have feelings too.
In a song, they tried to determine
For what Bret's girlfriend was yearnin'.
They wondered if a double team
had always been Coco's dream
Now it's Sally's needs that they are concerning
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