1. IN APPLETON, WISCONSIN--BURGLARY REPORTED---THIEF ENTERS UNLOCKED APARTMENT AND WALKS AWAY WITH PIZZA, SIX EGGS, CAN OF BEEF RAVIOLI, CAN OF PEACHES, ONE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI HOT POCKET---LEAVES VALUABLES.
2. PAMELA ANDERSON AND RICK SALOMON ALREADY GET INTO A MAJOR ARGUMENT POST WEDDING. IT SEEMS RICK WANTED TO VIDEOTAPE THEIR LOVE---RICK: "(WE)COULD MAKE A (BLEEPING) FORTUNE" AND PAM: "I AM NOT A PORN STAR".
3. PAM MAY BE PREGNANT---COULD HAVE BEEN A SHOTGUN WEDDING.
4. "GREG BRADY" MADE HONORARY MEMBER OF AIR FORCE 4TH FIGHTER WING 335TH FIGHTER SQUADRON.
5. ELLEN DEGENERES GAVE AWAY RESCUE DOG, IGGY, TO HAIRDRESSER--VIOLATION OF HER AGREEMENT WITH "MUTTS AND MOMS AGENCY". THEY TAKE DOG AWAY FROM HAIRDRESSER. ELLEN TEARFULLY EXPLAINS SITUATION ON HER SHOW.
6. DENTIST TRYING TO SAVE HIS LICENSE BY CLAIMING BREAST RUBS WERE PERFORMED ON WOMEN TO TREAT TMJ.
7. IN PITTSBURGH, WOMEN SPYING ON HER HUSBAND GETS TRAPPED UNDER SUV
WHEN SHE FALLS ASLEEP AND SOMEONE LETS AIR OUT OF TIRES.
8. IN NEW YORK, BRIDE (AND LAWYER), SUES FLORIST CLAIMING FLORIST SUBSTITUTED PASTEL PINK AND GREEN HYDRANGEAS FOR DARK RUST AND GREEN ONES. FLOWERS COST $23,435.14---BRIDE ASKING FOR MORE THAN $400,000 IN DAMAGES.
9. LINDSAY LOHAN DENIES SHE IS BROKE.
10. MADONNA INKS 10 YEAR 120 MILLION DOLLAR DEAL WITH LIVE NATION INC.
11. IN VERY LOCAL NEWS, THE GREAT "IRREGARDLESS" CONTROVERSY.
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22 comments:
There once was a gal named Heather,
who had a tall ruffled tail feather,
while eating some chives,
she broke out into hives,
but couldn't blame it on the weather.
Hakmed
USING BREAST RUBS TO TREAT TMJ,
THAT'S WHAT THE DENTIST DID SAY.
DOES HE HAVE OTHER TREATMENTS AS TRICKY,
THAT WOULD MAKE THE SITUATION MORE STICKY,
I'M GUESSING SOMETHING ORAL TO TREAT TOOTH DECAY.
Ellen Degeneres was recently in tears
She's been an animal lover for years
But a new dog she couldn't keep
Because her cat thought it a creep
She cares more for pussys it appears
if your blogger alias is hakmed
what of the words that you said
how do you know me
what is you ID?
or is not knowing better instead?
tall ruffled tail feather??????
There was a dentist who had a new way
To relieve his female patients' TMJ
He'd rub on their chests;
specifically, their breasts
It made for a more enjoyable work day
Now imagine how very offended
you'd be if a burglary ended
with your things left behind
could a thief be more unkind
upgrading is highly recommended
we all know pam anderson has low standards
but where does she find all these man-turds?
marrying a guy who's literally a star-f***er?
what's next, a fat, unemployed trucker?
obviously, the woman's judgment is quite impaired.
If the goal is to be a stealth spy
it's probably best if you try
to find somewhere inconspicuous
so as not to look ridiculous
when the plan inevitably goes awry
Hey Bridezilla, why don't you calm down?
No one cared that the flowers weren't rust-brown.
Wedding guests come for the booze
not to critique blossom hues
so relax and enjoy your one day wearing the crown.
Lindsay Lohan denies she is broke
also, she's never had a drink and doesn't smoke
the truth is 'who cares?'
stop putting on airs
and go whore yourself out for some coke
(you'll feel better!)
TO USE "IRREGARDLESS" IS "ALRIGHT".
CRITICIZING IT MAKES ONE SEEM SO UPTIGHT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'LL SAY,
I USE "MENTAL TELEPATHY", OKAY--
BUT YOUR "BADDEST-ASS" ARGUMENT DOES BITE.
IN SOME STORIES, WE READ ABOUT THE WINNERS,
IN OTHERS, WE READ ABOUT THE SINNERS,
ONLY FOOD, NOT THE TELEVISION DID HE TAKE,
WAS HE GIVING THE PEOPLE A BREAK?
OR WAS IT SIMPLY THAT HE HATED TV DINNERS?
TAKING FOOD, YET LEAVING VALUABLES NO DOUBT,
MAKES ONE WONDER WHAT IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT.
BUT HERE IS MY BELIEF,
I DON'T THINK THE GUY'S A THIEF,
HIS WIFE TOLD HIM TO GET FOR DINNER CARRY-OUT.
SO WHILE SPYING FROM UNDER AN SUV,
I'M SURE WE WOULD ALL AGREE,
TO FALL ASLEEP UNDER A CAR,
IS REALLY BIZARRE,
I'M DIAGNOSING SLEEP APNEA OR NARCOLEPSY.
There are some who think it is not a word.
Irregardless of what we have heard.
The debate has begun
And we all are having fun
To think there's a badder-ass word is absurd
While "irregardless" some say is bad-ass,
its usage is definitely low-class.
A non-standard adverb,
Using it is absurd,
It makes one sound like an uneducated dumb-ass
Ron's back to defend his word choice;
to give the grammar-challenged a voice
No matter how many people say
"irregardless" is okay
It would never be used by folks like James Joyce.
another great story from the keystone state
crazy woman under car spying on mate
someone knew she was there
slashed tires to let out the air
more important, did she find out he's not straight?
She went to rehab twice and now is broke
Lilo must have spent all her Gs on coke
But have no fear
She has a new bf, did you hear?
Engaged former druggie…sounds like a nice bloke
Ellen's had a terrible week.
Sobbing so hard she could barely speak.
Moms and Mutts was the aggressor.
Plucking Iggy from that hairdresser.
It's a dog gone shame,so to speak.
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