1. PARIS HILTON IS GOING TO JAIL.
2 DAVID HASSELHOFF IS CAUGHT ON VIDEO DRUNK AND LOSES VISITATION RIGHTS.
3. AKON'S SEXUALLY EXPLICIT DANCE WITH 14 YEAR OLD.
4. AMERICAN IDOL IS DOWN TO FINAL THREE--- LAKISHA IS OUT.
5. MOTHER'S DAY
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SHE'S THE GOLD STANDARD BY WHICH WE DO MEASURE,
THOSE CELEBRITY FOIBLES THAT WE
PLEASURE.
PRESIDENT BUSH, DO NOT FAIL,
KEEP PARIS OUT OF JAIL,
I SAY DECLARE HER A NATIONAL TREASURE.
THIS SUNDAY IS THE SPECIAL DAY FOR MOTHERS,
NOT FATHERS OR SISTERS OR BROTHERS.
THANK GOD IT'S IN MAY,
'CAUSE THE NFL DOESN'T PLAY,
I'D BE WATCHING FOOTBALL IF GIVEN MY DRUTHERS.
What's up with dads & their drinking?
It's OK to be drunk, just not stinking.
It's really bad if your kid
Records what you did
Next time, don't act before thinking.
Mother's Day is finally here
What will I get this year?
some jewelry maybe
for having a baby
Or a gift from bath and body works, I fear.
Remember when David Hasselhoff was great?
Bay Watch reruns are on late
On the beach, he ran with determination
I bet he'll regret his inebriation
Ze Germans' love for him will determine his fate.
Get out the wallets, my male friends
For Mother's Day, your wife demands
Some chocolate or jewels
Boys, please don't be fools
Be generous, for your home she commands.
It was a sexually explicit dance
Caught on video, by chance
He thought he'd work the scene
But she was an underage teen
This isn't the way to make your career advance
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