TWO WEEKS WORTH OF TOPICS:
1. OWEN WILSON SUICIDE ATTEMPT.
2. LANCE BRIGGS CRASHES CAR AND LEAVES SCENE OF ACCIDENT.
3. SENATOR LARRY CRAIG AND HIS BATHROOM ANTICS.
4. LEONA HELMSLEY LEAVES HER WHITE MALTESE "TROUBLE" 12 MILLION DOLLARS IN TRUST FUND.
5. JERRY LEWIS APOLOGIZES FOR ANTI-GAY SLUR.
6. IN NEPAL, AIRLINE SACRIFICES TWO GOATS TO APPEASE SKY GOD.
7. WHOOPI DEFENDS VICK.
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We were titillated by the news
of the senators wandering shoes.
As he pulled up his pants,
he blamed his wide stance,
not Idaho family values
There was a senator named Craig
Whose sexual proclivities seemed vague.
Whether hetero--, homo--, or bi--,
He could not verify,
Thus bringing on his house (and senate) a plague.
A bisexual senator from Idaho,
When in a men's room spied a beau.
Addressing the man,
He said, "I've got a plan,
You be da John. I, da 'ho."
WITH AIR TRAVEL, THE PROBLEMS, THEY BURGEON,
NOVEL SOLUTIONS THE AIRLINES ARE URGIN',
FROM NEPAL COMES THE GOAT SACRIFICE,
YOUNG LADIES THINK TWICE,
DON'T GET STUCK ON AN AIRLINE NAMED VIRGIN.
John, I don't know who you are
But with your talent, you'll go far
if limericks were cooler
you'd be the ruler
for our lowly blog, you've raised the bar.
Sunday morning found Owen's wrists slit
A weekend he'd probably like to forget
Was it over Goldie's Kate?
Cuz she isn't that great
Or was it cuz "you, me, and dupree" totally bit?
They should take Jerry off the air,
They did with Imus, that's only fair.
The sad thing is,
when you're in show biz
they kick the one off with long hair.
They should take Jerry off the air,
They did it with Imus, that's only fair.
The sad thing is,
when you're in show biz,
They kick off the one with long hair.
ON HER FIRST DAY APPEARING ON "THE VIEW",
TO DEFEND VICK, WHOOPI DECIDED TO DO.
BUT THE "IT'S CULTURAL" SHTICK,
THAT DEFENSE MAKES ME SICK,
WHOOPI--SLAVERY WAS CULTURAL TOO.
Senator Craig, we know you're a fop,
And we're not going to tell you to stop.
But here's the deal,
If you must cop a feel,
Make damn sure you don't feel a cop!
--credit goes to my Dad
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