1. IN PORTLAND MAINE, TWO DOZEN WOMEN MARCH TOPLESS TO PROMOTE "EQUAL OPPORTUNITY PUBLIC TOPLESSNESS".
2. TORI SPELLING CLAIMS SHE IS NOT HEADED FOR DIVORCE FROM ACTOR HUSBAND DEAN MCDERMOTT.
3. SANDRA BULLOCK REPORTEDLY IS PREPARING DIVORCE PAPERS.
4. EAGLES TRADE MCNABB TO REDSKINS.
5. DUKE WINS NCAA.
6. IN VERY LOCAL NEWS, RON'S 9 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WINS OUR NCAA BRACKET OFFICE POOL.
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48 breasts on display, what a sight.
except in Maine, i'm afraid they might
be kind of saggy and sad
and better off clad
In something to hold them up right.
The feminists marched for their rights!
But showed men some naughty delights.
In the altogether
in chilly Maine weather
their headlights all switched to their brights.
AS SANDRA PREPARES FOR DIVORCE,
TOPLESS WOMEN MARCH TO SHOW FORCE,
DUKE WINS N-C-DOUBLE-A,
BUT THE STORY OF THE DAY?
TIGER AT MASTERS --SANS ELIN--OF COURSE.
COACH K WINNING THE N-C-DOUBLE A.
OUR TOP STORY, THAT IS, SOME MAY SAY,
BUT I'M MUCH MORE IMPRESSED,
BY THE DOUBLE D'S ALL UNDRESSED,
AND THAT'S OUR TOPLESS STORY OF THE DAY.
ALAS, IT'S TRUE BUT WE WERE OUTDONE,
BY A NINE YEAR OLD, THE CONTEST WAS WON.
BUT I AM NOT MAD,
ISN'T RON THE BEST DAD?
HE TAUGHT A CHILD THAT GAMBLING IS FUN.
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